i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Randomize
