So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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