He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
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