Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
