I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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