I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
