Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
