You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
