If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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