dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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