Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Randomize
