is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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