Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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