from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
