that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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