It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
