I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
