Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
