lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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