I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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