he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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