you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
