A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
