some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
