then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
