I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
lol hangovers are for mortals.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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