Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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