At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
