No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
