I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
