And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
