I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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