I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
