Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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