With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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