sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
