i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
