did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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