did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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