The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
