im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
