She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
