The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
