Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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