My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
They have beer where we have blood.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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