Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
