I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
