I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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