you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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