you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
