i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
