If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
