thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
