i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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