Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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