you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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