Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So much rum. So many feels.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
