Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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