Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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