We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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