my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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