Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm sobbing to NWA
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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