Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
