the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
