Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
