GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
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I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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