Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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