During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
thus making me awesome and them whores
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
