please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
