New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize